TUTOR: Right, Sandra. You wanted to see me to get some feedback on your group's proposal.

导师：好的，桑德拉。你是想要我给你们组提案给一些反馈意见。

The one you're submitting for the Geography Society field trip competition.

就是你提交的那个地理协会野外考察比赛的参赛提案。

I've had a look through your proposal and I think it's a really good choice.

我已经看过了你的提案，我觉得选题很好。

In fact, I only have a few things to say about it, but even in an outline document like this you really have to be careful to avoid typos and problems with layout in the proposal, and even in the contents page.

我要说的就几点。首先，像这样的文件就算在提纲中也应该尽量避免拼写和格式错误，正文尤其更要注意。

So read it through carefully before submitting it, okay?

所以，在提交之前认真的读一遍，好吧？

SANDRA: Will do.

桑德拉：没问题。

TUTOR: And I've made a few notes on the proposal about things which could have been better sequenced.

导师：提案里面有些内容顺序可以安排得更合理一些，我在上面做了标注。

SANDRA: Okay.

桑德拉：好的。

TUTOR: As for the writing itself, I've annotated the proposal as and where I thought it could be improved.

导师：关于文章本身，我也在可以改进的地方做了批注。

Generally speaking, I feel you've often used complex structures and long sentences for the sake of it and as a consequence ... although your paragraphing and inclusion of sub-headings help ... it's quite hard to follow your train of thought at times.

整体而言我觉得你经常没有目的的使用复杂结构和长句。这样写的话……尽管你的分段和小标题做得很好……我还是很难跟上你的思路。

So cut them down a bit, can you?

所以还是删掉一些吧。

SANDRA: Really?

桑德拉：真的吗？

TUTOR: Yes. And don't forget simple formatting like numbering.

导师：是的。还有别忘了最基本的格式，比如编号。

SANDRA: Didn't I use page numbers?

桑德拉：我不是加了页码编号吗？

TUTOR: I didn't mean that.

导师：我说的不是这个。

Look, you've remembered to include headers and footers, which is good, but listing ideas clearly is important.

你看你页眉和页脚用得很好啊，但是更重要的是把观点列清楚。

Number them or use bullet points, which is even clearer.

在观点前面编号或打上小黑点会让他们更有条理。

Then you'll focus the reader on your main points.

这样就能让读者关注你的主要观点。

I thought your suggestion to go to the Navajo Tribal Park was a very good idea.

我觉得你提出的去纳瓦霍部落公园的建议很好。

SANDRA: I've always wanted to go there.

桑德拉：我一直都想去那儿。

My father was a great fan of cowboy films and the Wild West so I was subjected to seeing all the epics, many of which were shot there.

我的父亲是一个西部牛仔片迷，在他的影响下我也看了所有的经典电影，其中有很多都是在纳瓦霍公园拍的。

As a consequence, it feels very familiar to me and it's awesome both geographically and visually, so it's somewhere I've always wanted to visit.

所以这个地方对我来说十分熟悉。那里不仅适合地理考察，景色也十分壮观。我一直都想去看看。

The subsequent research I did and the online photographs made me even keener.

后来我做的一些调查还有网上的一些照片更是让我心心念念。