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Personally although the pressure exists everywhere, however the very important thing is what do you think of it. When you face working pressure, You should see the pressure as the power to move forward. You can work harder and learn more knowledge about your work. Maybe you would like to be a expert in your work field someday. When you face academic pressure, as long as you study hard every day and you needn’t to compare with others. You just need to compare with yourself. When you face economic pressure, You should learn how to conduct financial transactions at the same time of earn money or do some part-time jobs to earn much money.
1.修改前
Personally although the pressure exists everywhere, however the very important thing is what do you think of it.
修改后
Personally speaking, although the pressure is part of our daily life, what matters is the way we think of it.
修改理由：the pressure exists everywhere是中式思维表达，表示什么东西普遍存在，我们可以用be part of our daily life. 其次，very important词汇低级，用高级词汇essential, crucial, vital, critical, significant等替换是一个思路，但是我们也可以用what matters/what counts变成一个主语从句，句式结构上会更高级。第三，what do you think of it在句中应是表语从句，需要去掉do才正确。表示“我们是怎么想的”，我们也可以用the way+定语从句(that/in which) we think of it表达会更地道。
2.修改前
When you face working pressure, you should see the pressure as the power to move forward. You can work harder and learn more knowledge about your work. Maybe you would like to be a expert in your work field someday.
修改后
When faced with working pressure, you might as well consider the pressure as the stimuli to move forward so that more knowledge and experience can be gained and you are likely to be an expert in the field.
修改理由：将face改成faced with升级成短语更高级，也避免了you重复出现。see…as…改成consider、view…as…更高级;power改成stimuli更形象贴切;would like to是“想要”的意思，属于短语用词，应改成be likely to“可能”;in your work field有些啰嗦，改成in the field简洁些。句式方面，原句是一些简单句，我们需要根据句子关系加连词so that和and，让句子更紧凑;learn more knowledge about your work可以改成被动句式more knowledge and experience can be gained更符合英文表达。
3.修改前：
When you face academic pressure, as long as you study hard every day and you needn’t to compare with others. You just need to compare with yourself.
修改后：
When faced with academic pressure, it is advisable to study?hard as planned and just need to compare with yourself instead of others.
修改理由：原句when you face academic pressure是时间状语从句，后面应是主句，因此不能再用从句连词as long as。every day同义替换成as planned更高级;同时用建议类句型表达做法it is advisable to do is highly recommended that…/it is suggested that…等句式上更丰富。原句you needn’t to ….you just need to句式和词汇上重复啰嗦，没有可读性，因此用instead of替换需要重复的句式。
4.修改前
When you face economic pressure, You should learn how to conduct financial transactions at the same time of earn money or do some part-time jobs to earn much money.
修改后
When faced with financial?pressure, you’d better learn how to make a deal and do some part-time job to earn extra money.
修改理由：economic pressure改成financial?pressure更地道;you should 替换成建议类句型you’d better+动词原形句式上更丰富;conduct financial transactions虽然是高级词汇，但是属于中文思维表达，替换成make a deal固定搭配更地道;at the same time of+名词/doing,因此要改成earning和doing。or改成and连接不定式更简洁。extra替换some更具体。
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